Category Archives: Hypnotherapy and NLP

New Years, New Starts

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I can’t quite remember when exactly we all start abandoning  our new year’s resultions but I think it is about now.  Personally, I always find September a better time for resolutions which I think must hark back to the new school term.  Still, that’s me.  If your resolutions are beginning to falter, then you might like to spend a bit of time thinking about why.  In my experience there are several common reasons why people fail to implement their plans.  Here are some things to consider if you are at the stage of reviewing/relinquishing your previous resolutions

 

Do you really want to do it?

Not as daft as it sounds.  Many people resolve to be the person they feel (in their dreams) they should be.  Or they are responding to someone else’s idea about who they should be or what they should be doing.    Research shows that to really succeed you need to be internally motivated which means in effect that you are doing it for yourself.  If your goals are the same every year, and you never achieve them, reconsider your goals.

 

Is it overwhelming?

Much better to make a small change that sticks rather than create a grand plan, and feel exhausted before you start.  Think small if thinking big creates paralysis.

 

Is it too dull?

Change requires effort and so if a goal does not enthuse you, it will be difficult to get started and certainly difficult to keep going.  Focus on the ends, not the means and remind yourself, when you waver, why it is important to you.

 

Is it important enough?

As I have already said, change requires effort and commitment so if a goal does not matter enough, you aren’t going to focus on it.  You need space in your life to make changes and if you don’t have it, then your first priority is to create the time and resources you are going to need.

 

Are you trying to do too many things at once?

Far be it from me to tell you how much you can cope with but given that time and effort is required, be realistic about what you can achieve.    Would it work best for you to concentrate on making one big change in one area of your life or would it be better to take small steps in three different areas?

 

Notice how you feel

As you consider  your options, notice how you feel .  This is important feedback.  Many people don’t pay any attention to how something feels but as humans we tend to move towards pleasure and away from pain.  As you think about your plans do you feel: excited, exhilarated, determined, depressed, bored, bewildered,  focused, frantic, challenged, chilled, stressed or calm.  You get the idea.  The thing to do is to relax, think about your plan and notice the first thing that pops into your head or that you feel in your body.

 

Way before you get round to the SMART aspects of your planning you need to make sure that

  • It’s for you and nobody else
  • It excites or interests you
  • It is important to you
  • You have the physical and mental resources right now
  • It feels good

 

 

 

 

 

Beware old ladies in car parks

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You know that life is getting more stressful when you witness, as I did last week in a car park, an elderly and rather frail looking lady battering the window of a 4 x 4 with her handbag.  I only saw this part of the interaction so have no idea what offence the hapless driver of the  4 x 4 might have committed.  Suffice to say she looked nonplussed, though luckily her window was up she was safe.

Stress is sometimes hard to pin down as it is our response to events, rather than the events themselves, that cause stress.  Therefore our stressors are many and varied.  Whatever the cause of the stress, the sight of a spider or car park rage, the effects on the body are the same.  Once the fight or flight mechanisms are activated we need to use up the stress hormones released or they begin to harm our bodies.  The stress response is activated in an instant and research shows that even mild stress affects the cortisol levels (one of the stress hormones) in our saliva immediately.

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Sprout curry can make you more confident

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Now this is something you won’t find me giving a recipe for.  It is a favourite of a client of mine but even she admitted it was an acquired taste.  (Should I ever be invited onto Saturday Kitchen sprouts would definitely feature in my food hell choice).  But it serves beautifully to exemplify how different our small pleasures are.  Whilst this may be blindingly obvious, what is less obvious is that it is, according to William Bloom, vital to seek out and create positive experiences – of all kinds – so that we manage the body chemistry that keeps us well.  In his book, Feeling Safe, he shares many thoughts about how to protect yourself against stress and negativity and how to build inner confidence and strength.

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Sometimes a recipe is enough, sometimes you need a therapist

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I have been emailing my stepdaughter in Australia about recipes.  She requested some of my “failsafe”, simple family favourites so I duly sent instructions out about what I do.  A slightly irate email came back as she had had disasters with her toffee banana ice-cream and the sour cream pastry.  She claims my recipes are not “foolproof” (her choice of words, not mine!).  It made me realise how difficult it can be to tell people what to do when you can’t see them, they can’t ask questions and you don’t know what they don’t know.

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